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A warning for all subaquatic partygoers

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After a hard day in the surf it’s nice to unwind, kick back, see the sites and meet the locals. With earth known as ‘The blue planet’ it’s hardly surprising to learn there’s a teaming night life in the ocean depths. But beware! Take heed of these warnings should you venture on a subaquatic night out.
 
Sharks
 
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With over 400 species of shark there are only a few which are bad party companions and only then if you’re small fry. Even the famous great white is a quiet party goer unless provoked or hungry.
 
Advice: Be polite. Hope they ate before they came out.
 
 
Mantis Shrimps
 
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The mantis shrimp is a little critter you are unlikely to see in any aquarium, why? Because its punch has the power equivalent to a 22 calibre rifle and can break through any late night restaurant window.
 
Advice: Befriend if peckish.
 
 
Dolphins
 
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Forget flipper, these mammals can be some of the most aggressive creatures in town, their crimes include playing water polo with baby sharksbullying other species, carrying a list of STIs as long as their, uh, fin and being able to stay awake for five days at a time.
 
Advice: If you do have to take a nap, sleep with one eye open.
 
 
Sea Lions
 
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Will be playful and fun right up until their girlfriend arrives at which point they become possessive and prone to violence.
 
Advice: Display a wedding ring at all times.
 
 
Stone Fish
 
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Be careful where you step as these are the most poisonous fish in the deep. They lie like drunks in the gutter in piles of stones and, rather unhelpfully, look exactly like stones. 
 
Advice: Avoid all stones.
 
 
I don’t know about you, I’m staying in with a cuppa and a good book next Friday night.
 
Earth, the black and blue planet.
 
 
By Olz Kennett
 
 
Be sure to check out the Hotswell Surf Shop, it’s stocked up with only the best surfboards, wetsuits and hardware.

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